In case you didn’t see the description (what all do they show you when I embed a video?):

We gave our children some exciting news… And this is how they reacted.

Back story: This is what my husband said, at age ten, when he was told his littlest sister was coming. So, no, this isn’t their actual response. It was just a fun way to tell family.

My laptop is broken.  AGAIN.  The extended warranty is up on the 24th, too, I think.  So I made the video on my phone.  Impressive, no?!

The contractions are about 7-10 minutes apart, but sometimes as much as 12 minutes apart.  We’re going to try laying down to see if they go away for the night like they did with Benjamin.

We’ll see!

Sometimes it catches me off-guard when I caress a protruding appendage and I realize that attached to it is a cute little baby bottom.  That would fit in the palm of my hand.  And further up is an adorably plump baby chest.  With just the right about of squishiness.  And just inches up from that is the round, expressive face that I will memorize.  A mouth that will smile and coo, eyes that will have us guessing their color for months, hair that will be dark at first – but will it stay, like mine?

So many questions about this little gift.  Will you be a Levi or an Evelyn?  Will you scream at the world as it drastically changes from what you’ve been used to for the past nine months?  Or will you passively take it all in, observing and accepting.  Will you come today?  Tomorrow?  Next week?  Quickly?  Slowly?  Will you love your big sister and accept her as your second Mommy?  Will you look up to your big brother and play his games?  Will you recognize your Daddy’s voice and realize the safety and security that it brings?

You are so close to me – you couldn’t get closer – yet I know so little about you.

I can’t wait for the day when I can fit your tiny body in the crook of my arm and finally look you in your eyes and tell you how much I love you.

It looks like this:

Actually, you could also click on the above. Or just click here.  I like to make things easy.

You get points based on how wrong you are, so fewest points win.  You don’t have to put in your full name, but make it recognizable so we know who wins.  You can also ignore the “where you live” and “how you know them” parts.

Details you may find important:

The baby is “due” (40 weeks at) June 14.

Olivia was induced 6 days early (but I was already 6cm dilated by the time they put the pitocin in me and had been dilating for a month prior). She was 7lb 7oz and 20″ long.

Benjamin was born au naturale 8 days past his due date.  He weighed in at 8lb 13oz and was 20 1/4″ long.

Both were born in the late afternoon/early evening; Olivia at 6:22 and Benjamin at 5:55.

Have fun!

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You may have noticed me.

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I mean, I’m getting pretty big.

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Well, I’d just like to address something.  I know what time it is.

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And it is NOT for any lack of strength that this baby has not come yet.

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I mean, it takes two for a baby to come, you knew that, right?  If it were just up to me, I would have shot this thing out weeks ago.  I have the capabilities.

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Not to brag or anything, but I’m pretty buff.

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Like, when I go to the gym, the other uteri can’t help but gawk.  And then slink out quietly, embarrassed and unwilling to work out with such an intimidating force overshadowing them.

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And I’ve worked hard to get where I am today.  Special diets, special drinks, lots of exercise.

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And all in preparation for the big event.  The metaphorical marathon.  I’m ready.

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Just wanted you to know.

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The above message was an attempt to humorously explain and personify the constant braxton hicks contractions.  Just in case you didn’t get it.

After you vote for a first name, tell me which middle name you’d put with it in the comments.  Middle names we like are:

• Taylor
• Matthew
• Elliot (but no, we won’t name him Elliot Elliot.)
• Or any of the names that didn’t make the final list, like
• Malachi
• Emmett
• Andrew
• Isaiah
• Elijah
• Titus
• Carter
• Gideon
• Micah
• Alexander

Again, keep in mind that our last name is one syllable and starts with Z (and if you know it, please don’t include it in the comments… I had to do a lot of deleting last time.)

You’re hyper-aware of all your bodily functions, trying not to make too much of nothing.

The last two weeks of pregnancy, you’re a ball of nerves because you don’t know if you’re in labor or not.

Yay.

And I WAS going to post a poll for boy names today, but Josh and I couldn’t come up with a fifth name for the poll. We actually aren’t that fond of the four we *do* have. We’ll argue about it some more this weekend and have a poll up, maybe Tuesday. Feel free to shout out your favorite boy name in the meantime. Maybe it’ll make the poll.

In the comments, tell me what middle name you’d pick to go with the first name you chose.  Feel free to use the above five first names as middle names.  We like those names.  We want to use them.  We also like:

• Hope
• Marie
• Anne

Or give me your own personal favorite that you don’t mind me stealing from you.  Keep in mind that our last name starts with a “Z,” is German, and only has one syllable.

Go!

AND Josh just informed me HP emailed him that my lappy should be back tomorrow.  YAY.  We don’t know if they’ve replaced it or fixed it.  If they fixed it, they haven’t told us what they did to it.  I’ll know whether it’s a new one when I open the box.  The clue will be whether the scratch on the top from when Benjamin knocked it off the tray on the train is still there.

So I’ve decided that 37 1/2 weeks is about the time I should start thinking about getting ready for baby.  Mostly, the credit goes to these braxton hicks contractions that are pretty much on top of each other.

Yesterday, I made a list of what to pack (and what we have yet to buy) to bring to the hospital.  I also washed all the little boy and gender nuetral clothes for 0-3 months.  All our little girl 0-3 month clothes are in a Missouri basement and will be coming when the baby’s born.  So if it’s a boy, he’ll come home in blue.  If it’s a girl, she’ll come home in yellow.

I have a problem with that, but Josh doesn’t.

I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but at the same time praying that the baby comes before the 16th.  It’s hard to have faith that God CAN do something without getting your hopes up that He WILL.  Two different things.

Why the 16th?  *sniff*  Because that’s when Aunt Sassa leaves us for Australia.  She’ll be there for three years.  Of course we’ll pool our moneys to get her to come home occasionally, but I really want her to meet her new neice or nephew before she leaves.  So if you could pray with me…

Oh! Contraction!

Just kidding.

I’m mean.

I’ve decided no more cervix checks with this pregnancy until I get admitted to the hospital.  I say “more” because three weeks ago, when they did the Group B Strep test, I succumbed to the curiosity and found out I was at 1cm.  But I’m not doing any more.  (And yes, they ask me everytime if I want it and everytime I have to renew my strength and say, “no”.)

Why not?  Because it really doesn’t predict labor with me.  I dilate about a month before the baby’s born.  And at different rates.  With Olivia, I dilated about 2cm every week it seemed.  I then held off at 5cm for a week before the doctor talked me into an unnecessary induction a week early.  I was literally (young and naive here) worried Olivia would just fall out without me knowing because I’d dilated so far without even feeling a contraction.

With Benjamin, I was dilated a month prior as well, but at the last appointment was only up to 3cm.  And he was a week late.

So I wonder if this one is dilating even slower, to continue the pattern, or if I’m dilating as fast as I was with Olivia, since there are other similarities between this pregnancy and her’s.

Like the swelling.

Oh. My. Goodness.

I’ve already loosened the straps on my Birks and they need to be loosened AGAIN.  I’ve been told it gets worse with every pregnancy, but I didn’t swell at all with Benjamin.  So maybe that means it’s a girl?  Or maybe it’s just the summer weather (as Olivia was born in July and Benjamin in March).

So yeah, no more cervix checks.  And why the disappointment?  No, it’s not because I *like* them.  I just am a curious person by nature and I really, really, really want to know how progressed I am in this labor.  But it’s not worth the risk of infection.  Plus checking your cervix can actually dilate you *further*.  Not to be confused with “start your labor”.  More like “give you false hope”.  Maybe that’s what happened with the last two. So maybe I’m still at 1cm.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand I think that’s enough rambling about baby/pregnancy/random stuff.  Time to do the dishes and fold some laundry.  And maybe shower.  Maybe.

Am I ready?

No.

Sure I’ve got stuff in the freezer for my “Babymoon”. But I’ve yet to wash the gender neutral onesies in the garage. Or find a place to put them when they ARE clean. We did have the infant carrier in the car, but now it looks like we’re getting a van. So we took it out.

What’s this? Why the van? Because we were offered it, way-back-when, and we finally realized the sense in having it. It was mostly decided back when Aunt Shannie, and then Aunt Sassa came to visit and driving two kids and three adults in a Taurus wasn’t the most comfortable thing in the world. Then we bought Benjamin’s bed and had to borrow a friend’s van yet again to get it home.

And we realized it was time for a van.

So we’re switching Josh’s parents our Taurus for their Caravan. They’re downsizing, we’re upsizing. When they come to visit on Memorial Day weekend, we’ll make the trade.

But I still don’t feel ready. And I’m not ready to be ready. Yes, the baby’s getting bigger. My pelvis creaks and groans in protest under her weight. The muggy heat of spring (not even summer yet!) has caused momentous swelling in my ankles, fingers, and apparently wrists as well.

Because I appear to have developed carpal tunnel.

The following makes my hands go numb:

• Holding the steering wheel at 10 and 2, like a good little driver, for more than five minutes
• Stirring Tammy’s homemade vanilla pudding.
• Holding the phone to my ear for more than a few minutes.
• Sleeping on any part of my arm (and when you’re not allowed to sleep on your stomach or your back, this is quite inevitable.)

But it’s not all one stereotypical moan-fest.  I love having this life inside me.  I love the kicks, squirms, and hiccups.  I know that within hours of giving birth, I’ll miss it.  And long for it.  All over again.

And yet, I also long to hold this little one.  To know if I have another daughter or son.  To finalize the name.  To watch my husband beam down on her, exuding his undying love.  I want to nurse again.  I want a little one who falls asleep as soon as she recognizes the comfort of her mother’s scent and feel.  (Instead of poking at my eyeballs and stubbornly refusing to settle down at night-times….)

But I’m not ready.   When strangers in line behind me at the grocery store laugh and tell me how ready they think I must be, I just smile cordially.  Because I’m not.

I don’t know how to handle three children.  I’m really just getting the hang of two children.  How am I going to do this?

For the most part, I think we’ve prepared Benjamin and Olivia to be independent enough that it’s possible to introduce a new little dependent being into the house.  But then I have a crazy lunch time where I barely get the chance to sit, what, with all the spilling and “more!”ing and “no, please don’t!”ing.  And I mentally put a third child into the picture.  One who wants to nurse during the craziness.

And I struggle with my breathing.

So no, I’m not ready.  But I have faith in God that I will be when the time comes.

Give me this day my daily bread.

Enough for today.  And when I pray tomorrow, it’ll be enough then, too.