It would appear that our 21 month old is done with diapers.

But I am not ready to potty train him.

I don’t want to.

I won’t.

You can’t make me.

With Olivia, she was willing and able to go in the potty until the novelty of the chore wore off.  When it was no longer Shiny, she was no longer interested.  And then it become Work.  Mostly for me.  We went back and forth between diapers and underwear.  Largely based on what she wanted to do that day.  But I was definitely encouraging her towards underwear!

It was all a big long blur of potty prizes, bribing, crying, giving up.  And lots of laundry.  I don’t even remember when it clicked for her.  I remember thinking that it had clicked several times only to be proven wrong moments later.  In fact, I wouldn’t even allow myself to tell friends and family about any progress she made.  It seems to invoke bad Potty Karma.

With Benjamin, I did Potty Training in Under a Day. I had an almost four-year-old Olivia and a 4 week old Levi.  I spent as much of a whole day as I could teaching him, encouraging him, rewarding him, loading him up with fun beverages, and asking the current state of his underpants.  It was hard work, but it DID work.

Now Levi wants to go in the potty.  But I’m not ready!  I don’t want to!  I remember the prizes, the bribing, the laundry, the crying, the work, the laundry, the rewards, the treats, the messes, and… the laundry! I’d rather wash diapers.  At least I don’t have to scrub diapers.  At least the dog doesn’t lick up diapers off the floor.  Diapers are easy.

Plus! I’ve been changing diapers since July 2005 without pause.  At one time, I had all three in diapers!*  But never, since birthing my first, have I had none in diapers.  I identify with diapers and I am identified by diapers.**

*Olivia was only in night-time diapers.  But it counts!

**Ouch, yes, I think we’ve touched on the real issue here.

But Levi apparently isn’t waiting for me to be ready.

He cries and tells me when his diaper is wet.  When I try to put a clean diaper on him, he struggles to get up, explaining, “Pee pee potty!  Pee Pee Potty!”  And when I put him down, he makes a bee-line for the little potty, sits, and goes!

The first time he did this, I was amazed.  Then he promptly got up, went to the big potty, made me put a stool in place, stood there, and went again! He stopped for our applause, grinned, then concentrated and went some more!

Not only are we impressed that he can pee on command, but he can already pee standing up?! I have yet to teach Benjamin how to pee standing up.  (Not that I am very experienced in this matter.)  I was hoping my boys wouldn’t find out that they could do this until much, much later.  Sitting down makes less messes.

We still try to keep him in diapers.  But sometimes he just refuses. So we let him go pantsless, every now and then calling out, “Levi, pee pee potty?”  Sometimes he says, “No.”  Sometimes he jumps up and runs to the bathroom.  He even empties his little potty all by himself.

The other morning, he was pantsless and I was dressing Benjamin for bed.  We went in the bathroom to brush Benjamin’s teeth and there was Levi, standing at his little potty, looking down at the POOPY he had just made there.*

Well.  I guess I should admit it.  He’s getting potty trained.  Just… not… by me.

*Definitely not 100% yet.  We’ve had some misses.  Some messy misses.  Maybe he’ll get bored with it and want to go back in diapers soon.

Or…

Maybe this whole, “I don’t want you to!” attitude is what’s making him WANT to go in the potty.

Stinker.

——————————————————————-

How have your kids pottytrained? Were they all the same? Is this usual behavior for a third child?

Her email:

Since you’ve actually done this before and I’m currently scratching my head wondering how this ever succeeds. Ben’s hit the point where he will recognize he has to potty and demand a diaper. If we have him sit on the potty he’ll get up at the first chance and again demand a diaper. He’ll soil it immediately and then take it off. Any advice?

And here’s what I would do:

I would pick a date on the calender and explain to him that when that day comes, we’re going to say “bye bye” to diapers.  Count the days every morning, remind him every chance you can through out the day.  Create a countdown chain like we used to do for Christmas in grade school.  (Have him help with that!).  Emphasize that he’ll be such a big boy on that day!  And you’ll be so very proud of him!  Explain that his pee-pee and poo-poo (or whatever you call it) will go in the potty.  Buy a little potty chair and get excited about teaching him to use it.

Then, on the Big Boy Potty Training Day, I would follow the method used in Potty Training in Less Than a Day .  I wrote a summary post about the book right here.

I absolutely loved this method of potty training with my second child and wish I had read the book for my first!

However, I happen to know that my friend has a newborn.  And I would tell her NOT to stress out about completing this is “less than a day.”  Levi was only four weeks old when I used this method with Benjamin, so I understand!!  Just be consistent with the Practice Runs, and not putting him in diapers after you take them away.

Decide before hand whether you think he’s ready to go without diapers for naptimes and bedtimes and explain to him beforehand what you’ve decided.  Benjamin (who turned three at the end of March) still uses a diaper for bedtime, but never used a diaper for naptimes after we potty trained.  We did try to night-train at the same time as potty-training, but after washing sheets every day for a month solid, we decided he wasn’t ready.

So that’s what I would do!  (If you haven’t yet, go read the potty training post!)

Does anyone else have any advice for her?

But I’m not that good.

Because the book assumed that you had no other distractions and simply POTTY TRAINED for hours on end.  It actually said to “let the child regain PLAYING” after training was completed.  And I have to say, Benjamin still played throughout the process.  But there was a lot of training.  Mixed in with lots of nursing.

I did have a four-week-old, for crying out loud.

And it worked.  In a day, he was potty trained.

And let me explain here what the definition of “potty training” is, according to this method.

It is NOT, “He never ever wets his pants.”

It’s not even, “He goes poopy in the potty.”

It’s, “He knows how to and can relieve himself at the right time, in the right place.”  (My words, not from the book.)

(Except for the poopy.  Still working on that.  That one has been harder for both my children.)

So I call Benjamin “potty trained.”  And I’m ecstatic.  I can probably count the accidents he’s had in the two weeks since Training Day on one hand.  Well, it may take two hands if you count the poopies… but I think we rounded that corner tonight!

It took a year and a half to potty train Olivia.  Lots of “giving up”.  On both ends.  Lots of fighting.  On both ends.  Lots of laundry.  On my end.  Turns out I was doing it all wrong.

Here are the tips I learned that I contribute to the success I’ve had with Benjamin:

Once you start training, don’t stop. Pick a good day when you don’t have to go out and won’t be interrupted (too much).  Because it will confuse the child if you put diapers back on him at any point during the day.   Make sure both you and the child are ready for this, because there’s no turning back.

Actually teach the child how to potty.  This is what was lacking when I trained Olivia.  (Well this and the fact that we KEPT PUTTING DIAPERS BACK ON HER.)  We kept asking her if she had to go potty; if she wanted to go potty.  Then we’d pull down her pants for her, put her on the potty ourselves, then sit and wait.  And wait.  And wait.  And wait.  Try to explain exactly how pee-pee comes out in case that helps.  It doesn’t.

With this method, it starts with a doll that wets.  You show the child how the doll goes in the potty, step-by-step.  Starting with pulling down underwear, then wiping, then pulling up underwear, and ending with dumping “pee” into the potty.  Then the child teaches the doll.

Then the doll wets her pants and the child reprimands the doll and changes the doll, and has the doll practice not only going potty, but going quickly from the place where the doll had the accident to the toilet so the doll can learn how to go potty the right way.  After the child has learned the proper steps involved in going potty, you can put the doll away.

Then the child practices going potty.  The parent guides the child’s hands in the tasks of pulling down underwear and explains how (in simple terms) the child is to perform these tasks, but does not do them herself.  And I never once explained to Olivia how to pull down and up underwear!  Never once thought that it may be helpful if her hands were on the sides of the underwear for pulling down, but one hand in front and one in back for pulling back up!

There were a lot of other helpful tips in the book for minute details like that, but those were the most helpful and eye-opening for me and helped me to get the right perspective about how I should be teaching every.little.thing to Benjamin instead of watching him struggle by himself.  Or, worse, doing it completely by myself and not allowing him to actually learn at all.

Set the timer.  Every fifteen minutes I took Benjamin potty (with him doing all the actions himself, of course).  And we sat there for 10 minutes.  This is necessary so that he’ll accidentally go potty IN the chair and you’ll be there to witness it and praise him like crazy.  And that’s how he learns what it feels like to go in the potty, and that this is GOOD.

Every 3-5 minutes (when he’s not on the potty), ask him if he’s dry.  Guide his hands so he actually feels his dry pants and recognizes that feeling as GOOD.  In fact, this is part of the doll-training, too.  Have the child feel the doll’s pants before it wets in the potty.  When it’s dry, praise the doll like crazy and give it a treat.

Lots of treats. This starts at the beginning.  The doll gets a treat for being dry, and again for going on the potty.  Then ask the child if he’s dry.  When he says “yes,” ask him if he’d like to eat the dolly’s treat, since the poor dolly can’t.  Then give the child a treat the first time he goes in the potty.  (Carry these treats in your pocket so you have them at all times!)  We used mini marshmallows, Cheetos, M&M’s, crackers, and fun juices (didn’t carry these in my pockets…)

Benjamin would get the hugest grin when I’d ask him if he was dry.  “Yes, MARSHMALLOW!!”  And after he went potty, “Now BIG MARSHMALLOW!!”

All these treats mean the child isn’t getting sick of you constantly asking him if he’s dry. He’s excited when you ask and excited to be dry!

Drink a ton. To create as many learning experiences as possible, give the child A TON to drink.  We bought special juice boxes and Capri Sun pouches and different flavored juices and even some lemonade (which, turns out, he didn’t like.)  He drank so much that day that he had to go to the bathroom SEVERAL times!

Talk it up. At first, I was astounded at the amount of time we were going to be spending on the potty and didn’t know what we would possibly do to pass the time.  But the book had several ideas for this as well.  We talked about cleanliness, which was our main reason for potty training.  We talked about how pee-pee was dirty and peeing in our pants made them dirty and made ourselves dirty.

We talked about how the people we loved were happy when we stayed clean (and dry).  We went through the list one at a time, talking about Gammy and Pop Pop and Grandma and Grandpa and Sassa and Shannie and Noah and Ashton and Sister and Daddy and, yes, even Mommy!

And then we talked about how sad those people are when we are dirty.

We talked about how he will be such a big boy when he learns to put his dirty pee-pee in the potty instead of his pants.  We talked about Sister’s underwear and Daddy’s underwear and Mommy’s underwear and BENJAMIN’S NEW DINOSAUR UNDERWEAR.

We had lots to talk about.

We didn’t read books or let ourselves be distracted from the potty training in any way!  This is un-diluted training, people!

(Unlike how I “trained” Olivia.  Sigh.)

Don’t punish accidents, PRACTICE. It’s bound to happen, with all that juice drinking, that one of these dry inspections will come up wet.  You ask the child if he is still dry.  Have him feel the wetness (this is gross, yet necessary!), and explain your disappointment in the dirty, wet pants.  The book was careful to specify that a loud, “NO!” was necessary if you caught your child in the act of peeing (it would interrupt them!), but beyond that, there should be no shouting, yelling, etc.  Just calm explaining of how this is dirty and wrong, it makes Momma, Grandma, etc. sad.

And explain that “We have to practice now, so we can pee-pee in the potty.”  I would take Benjamin to the place where the accident happened, explaining on the way that we needed to practice so we could go faster and make it to the potty on time.  Then, when we got there, I would say, “Oh!  Pee-pee’s coming!  Run to potty!  Go quick!”  The whole way I would guide him from behind to make sure he was going quickly and verbally remind him that we are supposed to be moving quickly!

When we got to the potty, he had to pull down his pants, sit down, then stand up, and pull up his pants.  He was not supposed to actually go potty during these runs… but sometimes he did.  He received no treats during these times, though, because I would remind him that he had just peed on the floor and we needed to continue practicing.

We did two practice runs like this from the place the accident happened, and then eight more from various places in the house so that he could practice learning the route to the bathroom from all possible places.  We even practiced from Momma’s closet and the high chair!  This part made it more fun for him.

Towards the end of the training, I would have him start playing with a toy only to tell him a second later, “Pee-pee’s coming!  Drop the toy!  Go to the potty!”  Because I noticed he would be confused when playing if the urge to pee came; he would not know whether to take the toy with him or not!  He would just stand there, staring at the toy with a frantic look on his face, while he peed on the floor!

So, yes, ten practice runs after every accident.  I believe this contributes to the speediness of the training more than any other aspect.  But don’t take away toys or give other punishments for being wet.  (If your child is like Benjamin, he will see the practice runs as punishment enough!  He was quite pitiful as he begged that he be “Done” after only 2 runs!)

Learn responsibility.  This method also did a lot to teach the child responsibility, which I greatly appreciated.  He pulled up and down his own pants (after many practice runs, he finally got it!).  He emptied the potty into the toilet and flushed it.  And after an accident, he would take off his wet pants, put them in the hamper, and get out a clean pair for himself.

(After I wiped him, of course.  Cleanliness!)

I even had him clean the mess up with a dry washcloth, then gave him a spray bottle of vinegar and water and had him clean the dirty area with a new cloth.  He actually really liked all this responsiblity!  But not so much that he went peeing on the floor on purpose…

Using this method, I truly was training him, it wasn’t the other way around (which is what it felt like when we were potty training Olivia!).

The actual training takes a day or less. The child is considered “trained” when they fell the urge to go, and then actually go, in the potty, all by themselves.  No parent seeing them grab themselves and urging them to go.  No reminders, “Do you have to go?”  The child senses the urge and completes the task independently.  This is when your child is trained.  Being trained does NOT mean they’ll never have another accident again, unfortunately.

Never wear diapers again. And after he is trained, it is inevitable that he’ll have to go somewhere.  In a carseat.  In a store.  To the doctor’s office.  This is a leap of faith.  On the day I trained Benjamin, we ended up going out that evening.  But the mess!  Maybe just a pull-up…?

No.  Nothing that would make him feel safe.  He needs to know the consequences of wetting his pants.  It is messy.  Pull-ups don’t make him feel messy.  They don’t make him feel wet.  There is no consequence to the action and the training is undone.

But do bring a LOT of treats with you.  And ask him CONSTANTLY if he is dry.  If you keep his mind on this, he will recognize the urge to pee sooner and you’ll be able to get him to a potty sooner as well.

Also, bring a potty!  We have a second potty chair in the back of our van. And, in the past two weeks, since we trained Benjamin, we’ve used it no less than three times!  Put a plastic grocery bag in the bowl and throw in a stack of napkins, a sanitary pad, a nursing pad, anything absorbant.  It’s a mess-free potty-on-the-go!

Don’t let fits deter you. Of course, choose a day when your child has had plenty of sleep, isn’t sick, isn’t going through grandparent-withdrawl.  We want as few fits as possible.  But with all the practicing and general work that this method involves, you’re bound to meet a little resistance.

Don’t quit the training.  Not even to punish the child.  In fact, don’t punish the child!  We don’t want negative connotations connected with going potty.  Keep your cool and just guide the child’s hands.  If he refuses to pull down his pants, put your hands on his hands and pull down the pants for him.  This would happen all.the.time with the potty practice runs we would have to do after an accident.  I would calmly explain that we had to do this so we could practice going faster, because we want to stay clean.  It was exhausting, but it works.

Just don’t interrupt the training and the potty practices runs with time-outs and such.  Keep to it, do it right, and your child will learn that this is just the way it is going to be!

How it ends:

The potty trips every fifteen minutes get spread out to every  half an hour or more when the child gets better at pulling up and down his own underwear and looses the reluctance to walk to the potty.

The ten minute potty-sitting-time is reduced to five minutes once he has peed in the potty.

After the child is trained, you no longer have to ask them if they are dry every 3-5 minutes.  However, it should still be asked several times a day:  before each meal, every snack, before and after naptimes – about seven times per day.  The book says not to reward dryness after training, but I did, carefully weaning him off the treats by quickly distracting him after I’d ask him.

After a child is trained, you should rarely tell them to go potty.  I emphasize “rarely” because the book says “never” and to that, I say, “poppycock!”.  I still think that a child should be directed to go potty before naptimes, bedtimes, and getting in the car.  Besides that, he does need to learn on his own, through trial and error (unfortunately), to act on the urge before it is too late.  After all, we are training them.  They’re not training us!

After a week, “dry inspections” can be discontinued.  But I still like to praise him randomly for being so “clean”!

After a week of no accidents, the practice potty runs can end.  This means you may be doing them after every accident for a good two weeks.  But there won’t be many accidents!  It’s really that amazing!

What about poopies, naptimes, and nighttimes? Honestly, these are the three aspects where the book was found lacking.  It said to treat poopies just like pee-pees.  But I didn’t have my child change his own poopy pants all by himself.  He still had ten practice potty runs after a poopy accident.  But it took much longer to learn to go poopy in the potty, where the book said it shouldn’t take any additional time or training.  It makes sense that it would take more time, as a child only poops once a day, instead of the many, many times he pees.  (You give him juice to make him pee more, what, are you supposed to give him laxatives to make him poop more?  Perhaps we should have tried prunes!)

The book said not to nap the day of training, so it would not be interrupted. But Benjamin needs his nap!  So, because it also said never to put diapers back on the child, we didn’t.  We didn’t have Benjamin go down for naps that day, but put him in underwear for naps on the days after training.  He’s woken up dry more often than wet, but there are still accidents.

The book said not to attempt night-time training until the child is 2 1/2 years old.  Benjamin is a few months shy of that, but the morning after training, he woke up with a dry diaper!  So he hasn’t worn a diaper to bed since.  And he’s wet the bed A LOT since.  Probably as often as he’s woke up dry, if not more.  So now he’s in Happy Heiny pull-up training pants.  They’re stuffable, so they can absorb a night-time amount of pee, but they are too difficult for him to pull them up and down.  We alternate with Imse Vimse cloth pull-up training pants.  These feel just like underwear – very easy to pull up and down, but only absorb a small accident.  There is no perfect nighttime cloth pull-up that we’ve found.  I’m game for all opinions/advice!  I want him to feel the wetness, so I don’t want disposable pull-ups.

Helpful tips for training:

Don’t put them in a shirt (if the weather is warm enough).  If it’s too cold, then pin up the shirt so it doesn’t interfere with them pulling down their underwear.

Don’t put them in pants – just underwear.  Add the pants later, after they are trained.

Use loose underwear that is easy for them to pull up and down.  If his underwear is too tight, use big sister’s!  Or stretch or cut the elastic in the legs and waistband so that it is loose enough.

Put the potty in a central place with linoleum, tile, or hardwood floors.  A kitchen is preferable if there is enough room.  Our little potty started out in the living room since we have hardwood floors.

Don’t get too excited when sitting in the bathroom waiting for him to potty.  Use a calm, relaxed voice, and don’t let big sister come in and distract  him by acting all crazy.  Going to the bathroom requires relaxation.  Josh and I joked about lighting some candles and turning on some flute music for him.  But we didn’t.

On that note, don’t buy a potty that sings obnoxious songs and makes obnoxious noises.

Also, don’t buy a potty with a removable cup for boys.  It will fall off into the potty entirely too often.  And that is messy.

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If you need a more in-depth look at this method, sign up for swagbucks, earn a $5 amazon.com gift card, and use it to [mostly] buy this book.  Or just spend the $7.99.

They do an excellent job of breaking down every little thing, even having an expanded section on how to appropriately show your approval so that the child learns the most from it!

Do skip right to chapter three, though.  I wasted far too much time wading through testimonials and arguments on why this method is best.

I’m sure I forgot some important detail that would make your life easier, so, seriously, buy this book.

She knows how good she’s got it.

If she wants some independence, she asks for it.  And I gladly give it.

“Yes, I would LOVE your help with the dishes!”  “Great job sweeping the floor!”  “Thank you for pushing Benjamin on the swing!”

But when she wants to sink back into that comfortable reliance on others for just-about-everything, there’s no talking her out of it.

“Olivia, please use your words; stop whining unintelligibly.”  “Honey, get out of Benjamin’s high chair.”  And the humdinger – “Would you like to sit on the potty – PLEASE?”

She mimics me more and more everyday.  But that’s not nearly as fun as mimicking the baby.  So I have a deep-down-in-my-gut feeling that she’s not going to potty train until he does.

Before Benjamin was born, I had heard the warnings about older siblings regressing.  I don’t think Olivia ever REgressed.  In fact, she loved stepping up into her new big sister shoes.  She loved taking care of baby.  She loved (and still does!) watching me with Benjamin and then turning around to do the same thing (to him, a doll, a toy train – didn’t matter!)  She just failed to PROgress in certain areas.

As long as there’s someone else in the house who can cry and get what he wants, who can slap daddy across the face and simply receive a sweet smile in response, and who can use the convenience of diapers, I’m just not sure I will be able to fully convince her that growing up is more fun.

So how early is too early to potty train a boy?  Sixteen months seems about right to me…

(Are you potty-training?  Need encouragement?  Find it here.)

We are recently giving up taking a break from all the efforts over here because, really, I’m not sure what else I can do to get her ready besides sit here and wait for her to declare, “I FEEL THE URGE TO PEE AND I WANT TO PUT IT IN THE POTTY, PLEASE.”

We haven’t bought any potty books.  We haven’t bought any potty videos.  Because they cost money.  And being as our cloth diapers are already paid for (and I’m already running a wash every other day for her little brother), the cheaper option seemed to just wait until she deemed herself ready.

Until!  Today!  An opportunity to claim a free potty-training DVD popped up in my inbox!

(Thanks, Melissa!)

And I had to share the love.

So, potty-training mommies (and daddies, though I doubt there are too many of the latter reading this blog), sign your self up right here and see if it won’t help to have someone else teach your child how to go in the potty. 

Wouldn’t that just be lovely?  If all we had to do was plop them down in front of the television and presto chango, they never used a diaper again?  I’m gonna give it a shot anyway…

(And if you’re into free/frugal (who isn’t?!) you can always check out this site for more excitment.)

Take a break.

We are officially back in diapers.

The cues I am waiting for before we start up again:

1. Tells me when she’s gone potty (in her diaper).
2. Tells me when she needs to go potty.
3. Tells me she wants to go potty.

In my conclusive study of potty-training, it seems these three aspects just might be critical to the whole process.

(She is currently unable to complete any of the three aspects. She has never accomplished #1or #2. She will never voluntarily come up to me and state that she needs to go potty.  Or that she needs a diaper change. Number three was the only one she ever any good at, however, “wanting to go potty” is a fickle emotion with a 2 year old, and lately that emotion’s been MIA.)

*Edited to add:  And not five minutes after I clicked “publish,” I opened Olivia’s door to check on her.  The first words out of her mouth:  “I wanna go pee pee.”  First time in at least a week.*

My little Olivia Grace went ONE WHOLE DAY without a single accident.

And thus earned herself a Pooh Book.

She has four more Potty Prizes in the bag.  And I plan to continue the 20 minute timer torture.  So here’s hoping we get at least four more days like this!

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHH.

“That good, huh?”

Ahem. Let me articulate a bit more clearly here:

For Olivia, underwear is the new diaper. It is to be peed in. And pooped in. That is its purpose. We go through as many pairs of pretty pink panties for her as we do diapers for her brother in a day.

AND. She has an Underwear Rash. Yep, that’s right. She has spent so much time in contact with wet, messy underwear that she has developed quite the rash. We call it “boo boos on her bottom.”

And we have long talks about how going potty in our pants gives us “boo boos on our bottom.” And boo boos hurt, don’t they?

“Yes.” (Nodding enthusiastically.)

And we don’t want boo boos to hurt us, do we?

“No.” (Shaking head enthusiastically.)

So what do we need to do? Where are the messes supposed to go?

“In the potty.” (Smiles.)

Good girl! Do you want to go potty now?

“No.” (Runs off and pees pants.)

So, with much dragging of feet, we have started the timer system all over again. I really detest having my day divided into 20 minute segments. It interrupts all kinds of productivity.

But that is not all. Oh no, that is not all.

We also took a trip to the dollar store. And we bought Potty Prizes. I picked out.. er.. WE picked out five $1 toys. Well, one was $2. But it was a Winnie the Pooh book. Winnie the POOH. I had to get it.

In order to attain a Potty Prize, Olivia has to make it from Night-Time Diaper to Night-Time Diaper without an accident.

The first day, she was disqualified because, well, she had an accident IN THE DOLLAR STORE WHILE PICKING OUT POTTY PRIZES. And then at least three more throughout the day.

Yesterday, she had two accidents. But we talked up “tomorrow.”

And it’s “tomorrow.” And… she’s on her first pair of underwear still.

This is amazing. But will it stick? I’ll let you know….

… … … … … … … …

Over Josh’s spring break, we went to visit his family in Missouri. They have new carpet. Olivia is potty training. We were understandably worried and on edge.

We’re all in the living room. And by “all,” I mean “ALL.” Except Benjamin. Who was napping.

Olivia is wearing no pants. Because she has already had an accident.

We are not paying attention to her, but rather enjoying our time with the non-two-year-olds in the room.

We hear the sound of water. Water pouring. Water pouring from Olivia. She has no water. But oh, it is pouring.

We jump up into action, but what do we do? She’s not stopping. We can’t just carry her to the bathroom… it’ll trail all over the house!

Um… um… um…

Well, I am not, by nature, a fast-acter. Fast-actor? Anyway, motherhood has given me newer, faster instincts. I act fast. Sometimes without thinking. So I grab a toy tea cup. And, well, I fill it up.

Olivia thinks it is the funniest. thing. ever.

Pretty much everyone in the room thinks it is the funniest. thing. ever.

Mostly because of how genuinely cracked-up Olivia is over the whole situation.

But then, after she is cleaned up and changed, we have to have a serious talk. Because she tried to recreate the situation. Twice.

“No, sweetheart, we don’t pee in tea cups.”

The things I never thought I’d say…

… … … … … … … …

Today, the timer went off. I told Olivia it was time to go potty. We went in. She sat down. I got called away.

She came running out.

“I did it! I went pee pee!”

The usual celebration ensued.

She even had pulled her tights and underwear back up. Which is rare.

And which got me to thinking.

“Did you wipe?”

“Yes.”

I went to take care of the evidence in the bathroom. I saw no toilet paper.

“Olivia, did you wipe?”

“Yes!”

“I don’t think you did. Come back so we can wipe.”

“No, I ‘ready wipe!”

“No, I don’t see any toilet paper anywhere, I don’t think you did.”

“Yes, wipe! Yes!”

And then I see the sock.

The sock next to her little potty.

The wet sock next to her potty.

“Honey, we don’t wipe with socks!”

Oh, the things I never thought I’d say.

… … … … … … … …

There was a third one. Promise. I just can’t seem to think of it…

… … … … … … … …

And yes, I realize I put the story which is furthest from the present in present tense, and the story closest to the present in past tense.

I don’t know why.

… … … … … … … …

Aren’t these dots pretty? I do love polka dots. And when I type them, it sounds like morse code.

… … … … … … … …

That is all.

(It was the special Easter Tea.  I gave my testimony.)

Olivia wore underwear.  Just like she did when she went to church on Sunday.  There was no incident on Sunday.  I thought we were making progress.

That’s what I get for thinking.

When I went to pick her up, I asked if she had gone to the bathroom.

Wait, rewind.  When I dropped her off, I told the worker that she was in underwear because we’re potty training.  The worker asked if Olivia would tell her when she needed to go to the bathroom.

I averted my eyes and mumbled, “No…”

The worker then inquired as to whether Olivia would at least answer if asked if she had to use the bathroom.

I really hated to answer that question.  I mean, this poor girl is watching a dozen toddlers, all of whom are potty training.  But no.  No, Poor Nursery Worker, Olivia will lie to your face.  She will tell you she does not have to go to the bathroom.  And then she will pee her pants.

So I went back after MOPS to pick Olivia up.  I asked if she had gone to the bathroom.  The worker responded, “Well, she went to the bathroom.  And she sat on the toilet.  But she didn’t really go.”

“Oh.  Well, she probably has to go now then.  I’ll take her right away.”

And I picked her up.  And felt the wetness.

Sigh.

So we went to the bathroom, took off her shoes, tights, bloomers, and underwear.  She went potty.  (Yay!)  We put on new underwear, new tights, and [old] shoes.  No more bloomers.

She was really upset about the lack of bloomers.  They were blue.

“Blue!  Blue!”

“No, sweetheart, we can’t wear Blue.  You peed on Blue.”

“Blue!  Blue!!”

“No, Baby, remember, you peed on Blue.”

(My vocabulary as a parent just astounds the teacher in me.)

She eventually gets over Blue.

Next stop:  CVS.  Midway through our shopping trip, we take a detour to the bathroom.  She tells me she doesn’t have to go.  I make her sit anyway.  She doesn’t go.  At least she’s honest.

Or so I think.

That’s what I get for thinking.

When I picked her up to put her in her carseat a little while later, I felt the wetness.

Sigh

So I took off her shoes, tights, and underwear.  I put on new underwear and her [old] shoes.  No more tights.  By this time, she’s not only used to going without articles of clothing, she’s downright excited about it.  She was ready to get in the car without underwear.

One more stop.  Walgreen’s.

(Oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please.)

(I have no more underwear in my diaper bag.)

Halfway through our trip, we stop by the bathroom.

AND SHE GOES.  SHE GOES IN THE POTTY.

And when I picked her up to put her in her carseat?

DRY.

SWEET DRYNESS.

But while some would call this progress, I tend to lean more towards an answer to a desperate parent’s prayer.