Her Last Day

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I don’t know why I want to remember this. I just know that I do. And if I don’t write it down soon, I won’t even have the choice. I didn’t get there until about three, as was my usual routine. It was a Sunday. I had gone to church, had lunch with the family, […]

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On Grief

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I have to keep refocusing.  I want to slip into the grief the world knows.  The permanent good-bye.  The self-pity so deep it sucks you in and suffocates. Yes, I miss her.  And parts of my life will be worse because she is no longer in it.  She was a resource of infinite possibilities.  Gardening, sewing, […]

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Normalcy Protects Me; Routine Keeps Me Safe

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Now that we’re back in Indiana, August 22 through November 22 seems less than a bad dream.  Her sickness, her fading, her last day, her visitation, her funeral, her name on that crypt.  Was that real?  Was that her?  Will she really not be there the next time we visit? My life here is so separated from […]

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She’s Gone

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My mom went home to Jesus last Sunday. November 14, 2010, 11:00pm. I wish I could say she went peacefully. But she was such a fighter. The last several hours were filled with seizures and stress and anguish. We begged her to just let go. When she finally found her peace, I was glad. From […]

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The Best Day

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I don’t remember the last thing I told you.  Did I tell you her anti-anxiety meds make her less than coherent?  You could tell the thoughts were there, but they couldn’t make the connections in her brain to become the right words.  For example, she’d be thirsty and start to ask for water, but her […]

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Taking the Easy Road

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I know I haven’t posted anything in awhile. See, at the end of the day, I can either delve into my situation and dissect my feelings and work everything out… Or I can turn hulu on and let someone else’s issues unravel before me and then be neatly packaged back up, life lesson included, in […]

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Checking In

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I know many of you check here for updates and worry when there are none. Thank you.  Thank you for your comments and prayers.  Believe me, I have felt them.  There’s no way I would have the strength and peace of mind I have now without the prayers God is putting on your hearts. She’s […]

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A Good, Good Night

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October 19, 2010 I came over a little before three, and Rich left soon after to do work and go to a meeting.  So it was just Mom and me. I summarized my thoughts on finishing strong.  She said “Yes” emphatically. I asked her if she could look back and see God’s purpose in her life.  […]

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Finish Strong

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During pregnancy and labor, I feel at peace with my situation.  I have accepted what is happening and what is yet to come. I’ve read about it.  I’ve envisioned it.  I’ve prepared for it.  I am confident in the outcome. But there comes a time, every time, when all that acceptance slips away.  And I […]

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10 Days

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Rich (my step-dad) has been talking with others who have lost loved ones to cancer, trying to figure out what to expect.  And when to expect it. It seems common for people in my mom’s condition to stop eating.  Entirely. After which they last about 10 days. My mom stopped eating on Thursday. —————————————————————— So […]

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