This is my second time through toddlerhood, and I’m deperately trying to remember what I did with Olivia that caused her to turn out so well. So disciplined. So caring. So observant.
(Me? Proud? Maybe…)
I’m in the throes of it with Benjamin and I’m telling you, I don’t always see the light at the end of the tunnel.
One thing that I try to do, and it’s not easy, is to expect good behavior. It’s hard to resist simply shrugging off a tantrum, a blatant disobedience and blaming it on the “terrible two’s”. They’ll grow out of it, right?
But that’s the equivalent of parental laziness. We are to train a child in the way they should go. Not to sit back and watch; see if they get it right themselves.
Part of expecting good behavior from a toddler is to discipline bad behavior. And disciplining that bad behavior every single time you witness it. Otherwise, you’re telling that child that you expected that bad behavior. And that you’re okay with it. Consistency is exhausting.
Another aspect of expecting good behavior from a toddler is to not let the older preschooler do everything for them. And this is the part I’m struggling with now. It is so easy to let Olivia clean up Benjamin’s messes. To have Olivia give Benjamin the toy she’s playing with just because he’s throwing a fit. She’ll understand. She’ll do it without arguing. But what does that teach him? Does it teach him to be understanding? to not argue? to not throw fits? No. It teaches him I expect good behavior from his sister, but not from him. And he will shrink to my poor expectations.
Finally, the hardest part of expecting good behavior from a toddler is when you are in a public place. You don’t want to create a scene, so you let things slide. The problem with this, however, is that the child notices you are letting things slide. He notices that your expectations have changed. And he is lowering his standards to meet them.
Create a plan of action for public places so you can keep your cool when your child disobeys in front of strangers. If spanking is your choice of discipline, find a bathroom. If time-outs work for you, don’t hesitate to show the other mommas how you roll. You can even make time-outs work in a cart at a grocery store (provided the seat isn’t occupied by another child.) If your child flat-out refuses to do something you ask, take his hands and make them obey. (i.e. put shoes on, put toys away, put candy back on the shelf).
Once your child realizes you expect good behavior every time and everywhere, they will start behaving within the boundaries you have set for them.
Boy am I going through this right now with a 3 year old & 2 yr old twins. You are so right about this! Consistency is the key. Persevere now, and you’ll reap the rewards later with well behaved children.
I totally agree that the hardest part is in public. Being 100% consistent at home helps alot with that though because they know that mama always means business. Not that i am always 100% consistent…is that possible?:)
Great post!
Holly
Joshua is almost one, and I’m going to be getting to this stage soon, I can see it coming. Great advice: “It teaches him I expect good behavior from his sister, but not from him.”
You are doing a great job, Beth! Does it make you wonder how Mrs. Duggar as managed with 18 kids? Three were enough for me…Love you!
You are doing a great job, Beth! Does it make you wonder how Mrs. Duggar has managed with 18 kids? Three were enough for me…Love you!
Now how did I do that? Two posts, I mean.
I’m going to file this away for later (but soon!). My little dude is getting so big.
Consistency has always worked well for us too. My kids can be pretty feisty, but we got through toddlerhood on the older two quite well. Heading toward that with #3 and I already suspect that she will have a pretty solid stubborn streak as well as an adventurous side. Going to be fun!
I love the looks you get in public when you are trying to be consistent. Yesterday we had to make a quick trip to Target and let me tell you.. it was stressful. Lexi screamed for the majority of it, she didn’t want to be in the cart, but that is how we do things. If we don’t she runs off where we can’t see her and touches everything. When we’re in a hurry she goes in the cart. Anyway, we were returning something and she was throwing a fit, so the lady at the customer service desk tried to bribe her to be happy by giving her a sticker. it worked, BUT she wouldn’t tell her thank you. and in my house if you don’t say thank you, you don’t get a reward. So I took the sticker away. which resulted in more screaming. and dirty looks from the cashier who was just trying to make her be quiet.
I was very polite and sweet talking with Lexi while I told her “if you say thank you to the nice lady, you can have the sticker, but if you are rude and don’t say thanks, then you don’t get a special treat for it.” she refused so the sticker went away and we walked away while she screamed, and I felt the lasers from the ladies eyes drilling a hole in the back of my head… what a horrible mom I am.
She eventually decided she wanted to say thank you, but since that lady was long gone I had her tell me. and she got her sticker. and stopped screaming for about 5 minutes until there was something new to scream about.
but at least I was consistent and expected good behavior right? ha.
Summary: teach your children how to behave or they won’t know.