When I first heard that there was a breastfeeding baby doll, the thought that went through my head was, “Finally!” I was tired of confusing my daughter with dolls that came with plastic bottles when she never actually witnessed me using plastic bottles on any of my own babies.* I loved the thought of promoting breastfeeding to girls at such a young age, before breasts become purely sexual. Gotta plant those seeds early on!

Then I read more about the doll. And laughed at the name. Because Gloton means Glutton. And we all know how much breastfed babies like to eat, so it seemed appropriate! I just wish it didn’t also remind me of that Brad Pitt movie with all the sins…

As I read about how the doll worked, I realized that perhaps this doll was a bit much. It includes a vest that the girl has to wear with appropriately placed flowers for the baby to nurse on. But wait a minute. Isn’t the biggest convenience of breastfeeding the lack of required materials? I mean, really, all you need is a baby that roots around and sucks on whatever you place near his mouth as soon as you hold him in a horizontal position. That’s pretty darn realistic, if you ask me. I just don’t think we’re clearing up any confusion by having little girls put on special vests to breastfeed.

Plus, without the vest, you get rid of all critics raising an eyebrow at the “appropriately placed flowers”.

But then the same people will be telling little girls to please use a nursing blanket or go the restroom to feed their baby dolls.

And then the baby doll nurse-in’s will begin.

Anyway, when it comes to Bebe Gloton, I came to the conclusion that this doll may not be the best breastfeeding doll for little girls. Really, the best breastfeeding doll is a $10 cheapie from Target. Just replace the bottle with a boppy. And the pacifier with a sling.

And maybe they could even make a deluxe version that came with a mini laptop on which the little girl could read blogs while she nurses away the hours.

I’m just sayin’…

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*I did explain to Olivia that the bottles are used to feed babies when the momma doesn’t nurse them.  I did not condemn bottles as evil, nor did I tell her that a breastfeeding momma was better than a bottle-feeding momma. Please don’t hate me in the comments for this statement.