My Benjamin craves human touch. He will not be fooled or satisfied with any alternatives. When he is upset, his little hand shoots out and up, searching for my neck. When he finds it, his whole body relaxes. His hand remains on my warm skin, feeling my pulse, until he is finally relaxed enough for it to drop.
He never took a pacifier. He never sucked his thumb. His addiction was and is human touch.
I thought this insatiable need of his would lengthen the months that we would nurse. Nursing is, for a baby, the ultimate fulfillment of that need for human touch. At least, that is what I told myself when he insisted on nursing every two hours for most of his nursing existence.
His sister and I continued our nursing relationship well past her second birthday because she would only show and receive affection through nursing. I waited until she would accept cuddles before we finally weaned. I wondered how long I would nurse a baby that clearly desired cuddles, but preferred to fulfill that desire through nursing.
The answer, for us, was twenty months.
Over Christmas vacation, he stopped falling asleep while nursing during the night-time routine. Lacking a quiet place to rock, we simply made him sit next to us on the couch until he finally climbed into my lap, reached up for my neck, and fell asleep. He still wanted to nurse at the beginning of the night-time routine, but it clearly wasn’t an integral part any longer.
I took that as my cue.
During the day, I started referring him to other comforts when he sought out nursings. If he was upset, we would take a walk. If he was bored, I would find a new toy for him. Soon we were cutting out that final nursing: at the beginning of the night-time routine. But, because he was used to being diverted, his fussing at my refusal was short-lived.
He understood cuddles. So I would reply, as I had when we night-weaned, “No nursies, just cuddles.” And once he learned that the answer wasn’t going to change, he accepted it. He placed a warm little hand on my neck and complied.
And it passed. It became the new normal. Our nursing days are officially over. And I don’t miss them like I thought I would. The cuddles that overlapped with, and eventually replaced the nursings are so sincere, so intense, and so often, that I am still being fed.
This is the first time in three and a half years that I am not nursing. I eagerly await June when I can begin a new relationship again, but in the meantime, I am at peace with the relationships I have right now. And so is my Benjamin.
Bittersweet right? My son was 11 1/2 months and he was just done. I didn’t miss it like I thought I would either, but it was still a bit sad;)!
Wow! That was heartwarming. My little guy has increased the amount of nursing while I am desiring to eliminate it. I’m having a hard time with this one. He wants NOTHING ELSE. Sometimes I get tired of being a human pacifier.
Thanks for this great story. As a lactation consultant, I am always so pleased when moms take the time to wean gently and thoughtfully.
What a beautiful story 😀
Ending that relationship really is bittersweet isn’t it? We stopped at 18 1/2 mos, right on New Years. It wasn’t planned or a resolution, it was just the Right Time. So now I’m savoring my ‘freedom’ until June too. 🙂
Oh, what a happy story.
My older 2 still reach for my neck when they wake in the middle of the night.
This was a beautiful, tender post. My DD nursed until 2.5 – it was bittersweet weaning her even then.
i’m so glad i re-found your blog! we have kids that i think are similar in ages, and i’m due in july. we weaned my latest just recently, but it was totally his call. i was relieved b/cs it was hard on my body but also sad b/cs i thought we’d go longer (we made it 13 mo). anyway, this was a very sweet and tender post and i really like your blog!
i loved reading your nursing stories! I’ve got a long way to go before Jonathan is weened, but that’s fine with me. I love that there’s something I can immediately do to calm him and comfort him (not to mention, a super fast meal!).
That’s such an achievement. You must have considerable depths of patience to nurse for so long and to deal with weaning so calmly.
I think it’s lovely you’ve been able to make the transition in that way.
Thank you for sharing this milestone. As a mother, one of my frustrations is not being able to nurse longer. I am proud of your accomplishment.
Katherine pretty much self-weaned (at 20 months) during and after I was so sick in May with my ovarian cyst problem. She had grandma giving her loads of affection and attention and healthy food, and that made the transition pretty simple. I still let her try nursing over the next six months when she asked, but it was mostly humorous – she pretty much forgot how to do it!
What a nice story. With my first we weaned about 19mos and I was about 3 mos pregnant. It was very gradual and I did a lot of the things you did with Benjamin. It was a really nice transition. Love reading your blog.
Wow – that is such a beautiful and smooth transition. It’s funny, I keep thinking I’ll miss the thing they’re currently doing (bottle feeding, baby smiles, crawling) but then the next stage is even better than the last.
Congrats on the new baby!
Such a lovely story, Beth…reminded me that I needed to write mine. It’s sooo bittersweet. It’s a huge milestone.
whoops, hit enter by accident… you came along way! Before you know you’ll have new baby to comfort the same way.
i love to feed babies specially when they burp and smile after feeding them ”
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