Some people in our Bible study have said and done things to hurt us.
They talked behind our backs instead of confronting us.
They doubt our parenting skills with Olivia.
(They see her lack of sharing and worry that we encourage it.)
They think that keeping Benjamin with us is selfish of us, as it distracts others.
(We would put him downstairs, but it is not baby-proof, and only a 14 and a 16-year-old are down there supervising a dozen children, most of whom are toddlers.)
Most of all, what really hurts, is that we thought we had established healthy relationships. It turns out they are not as close of friends as we had originally thought. Rather than discuss these things with us as they occurred, they distanced themselves from us as they gossiped about the situation with others.
Now we feel lonely. We feel incompetent. We feel discouraged.
And we are meeting tomorrow (rather, tonight) to discuss these things with the group.
I don’t want to go. I want to run away. I want to move. I want to hide under the covers.
But Josh is making me go.
Pray for us.
Will do.
P.S. That really stinks.
That will be a hard conversation to have with your friends and faith community. I’ll be praying it goes well.
That is too bad and I’m sorry you’re having to go through it. Setting boundaries is a growth process though. Your friends didn’t follow scriptural principles… Matthew 15:18 says we go to our brother first to air our grievance, only if he doesn’t listen do we take along a witness, and only THEN go to the congregation if he still doesn’t respond.
Your friends skipped some steps, unfortunately. That’s all too common with us human types. 🙁
I wrote about something recently, it might help: http://naturalmomstalkradio.com/blog/what-other-people-think/
There’s a book recommendation in there that will help, although you won’t have time to read it first….
Btw, we don’t have nurseries in our religious meetings. Doesn’t Deut. 31: 12, 13 talk about gathering everyone to listen and learn, including the little ones?
In regards to sharing, I wonder if your friends would be willing to share their wedding ring with you? Or their car or house or wedding dress or anything else special to them? In a young child’s mind, it’s no different. And besides, God loves a cheerful giver. When she can share cheerfully (when she’s ready developmentally to understand the concept that she will get her stuff back), she will.
But you knew that already. 😉
So sorry this happened. I don’t know you personally but from your blog your home is no different from most peoples. I have 2 boys and sharing is a problem at all ages.
Someone always will find fault with what you are doing. If you are doing what is right for your family, keep on doing it. Smile and nod when others offer opinions.
Josh is right about handling this situation in this manner. Get it out so the back stabbing can stop. Hopefully when they see it being delt with in a Biblical way, they will learn from your example and do different next time.
I am praying for your courage in handling this correctly.
Not everyone sees this problem as bad parenting. Some of us understand that this is a tough thing to teach and she is reacting NORMALLY!!
Oh, I so feel for you. Wait, isn’t Olivia 2? And your son is breastfeeding, right? So who would expect any 2 yr old to be a “good sharer”? Or a baby to be separate from his mama when he needs her for nourishment? Those are unfair expectations of you and your kids, imo.
But there is always another side, and maybe it’s not as bad as it seems. Gossip always makes things worse than they are – maybe your friends slipped up and are sorry. Maybe one person had a weak moment. To me, my Bible group is all about accountability, and maybe that’s just the lesson here.
I will pray for you. I know how hurtful it is to have friends talk behind your back and to have your parenting judged. Try to have an open heart to your friends, they may surprise you. God does wonders with the human heart. May the Holy Spirit be with you tonight.
I’m so sorry that this is happening to you. I hope that you can work this out and that you can feel comfortable once again. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
Here I was all ready to be so angry with your group, then EDW put me in my place! And she is so right — when I’m angry I so easily jump to the “but I’m doing the RIGHT thing” stance and forget that the actions of others can easily be misinterpreted, too. I hope for you that someones words were taken out of context and that by discussing it as a group you can all become closer to one another — and that you’ll find the community you’re looking for with this group!!! I’m so sorry it had to happen, though — I’ve been there and it stinks!! Here are a bunch of hugs —
and some prayers that everything goes well tonight!
🙂
I’m so sorry this happened… it’s so frustrating… and humbling because I have to remember that Christians are human too (that doesn’t excuse them, of course). I’ve been thinking about you and praying for you today!
I’m interested in hearing how it goes….
Wow Beth. I’m so sorry. That sort of stuff is SO hurtful to the body of Christ. I agree with Carrie, they definitely didn’t follow a Biblical method of dealing with this.
We just went through something similar and I know the hurt involved. Praying for you.
BTW, please don’t let anyone make you feel inferior as a parent. You’re doing a fine job!
Hi Beth, I don’t think I’ve left a reply before, but I love your blog and read it faithfully. I am a young Christian stay at home mom on a budget, too. I have a 16 month old son- he is breastfeed, cloth diapered and sleeps in a sidecar crib. Wow, I didn’t know we had so much in common before it was all typed out like that. Anyway, I had to respond when I read this. Olivia is what two or three? She can’t be expected to share very well. And I wouldn’t want to leave my son in the nursery under those conditions. Gosh, judgment and gossip from your fellowship? Just walk in there and hold your head high because you know you are doing what is right and what is best for your family.
P.S. I wrote my name like that because I noticed you had another Melissa leave comments before and I wanted to distinguish myself. 😉